A list of things that I regret is not long, but there is one thing on that list that stands out: not journaling before 2018. Journals age like wine, and this is why I regret not writing about my life earlier. I regret not documenting the important events in my life as I experienced them in that moment. For instance, I don’t have anything in my journal about the experience of meeting my wife for the first time. The only thing that I can rely on is our memories and this is not reliable enough. Reading the old journal often surprises me because it’s full of details that I’ve forgotten.
I’ve learned over time that journaling is the most valuable when I’m completely honest. When I don’t censor myself out of fear that it’s going to be read by someone else. Otherwise I’m bullshitting myself for no reason and, as a consequence, decrease the future value of this journal. The most valuable writing in my journal is a list of my hopes, dreams, and fears. The descriptions of my days and activities, job impressions, and frustrations. Documenting the mundane feels totally useless and insignificant when I’m doing it, but over time becomes extremely valuable, because the mundane changes faster than expected.
Reading the old journal has also shown me how much my writing has improved. It is a little embarrassing to read but at the same time I’m glad that it exists. I’m glad that I’ve documented my habits and petty attempts to become more grateful by having a “gratitude journal” which consisted of me listing the same three things I’m grateful for over and over. Like happiness, I don’t think gratitude can be pursued directly like that. Surprisingly, photography is what made me more grateful. Photography of the day-to-day, to be more precise. It made me appreciate the small things more and remember them better.
I think a lot of people make the mistake of only photographing big things like landscapes and various popular highlights only to never look at these photos again. I think there’s a lot of value in photographing the small, the usual, the mundane. That might not be that valuable to a broader public, but it can become surprisingly valuable to my future self.
Reading these old journals is a humbling experience because it’s evidence for what can only be explained as a lack of wisdom. Seeing this made me realize that this is probably how my current self is also going to look to my future self.
